SUPPORT FOR DIVORCED AND BLENDED FAMILIES
For children, divorce doesn't need to be the end of the world. Many parents fear the effects divorce will have on their children, but what is important to know, is that the attachment relationship (sense of feeling connected and safe) between the parent and child can protect against negative effects of significant changes.
Divorce Sometimes relationships don't work out and people separate or divorce. Ending a long-term relationship can be a very difficult decision and is likely to set in motion a whole process of change. Each person in the family may go through the cycles of loss (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) in response to a change in family structure. These stages are not necessarily sequential, but can occur as a mix of feelings that can change daily or even hourly. Separation and divorce is a process of coming to an ending that includes periods of confusion, reflection, and growth. Helping children through this process is important, and although may be hard as the parents are going through their own crisis, it is essential to helping children adjust with minimal trauma. This whole journey can be a roller coaster with ups and downs, but therapy can help it be a bit smoother. |
Helping Children Cope
Children often have a difficult time the first year following a divorce. However, research has found that parents can help kids to adjust to this change. By limiting the amount of arguing that parents do in front of children, parents can keep kids out of the battle zone and show children that this is a process that can be worked through. If parents communicate directly rather than through the children, and if they can work on trying not to bad mouth the other parent, there will be less negative effects on everyone involved. This can be extremely hard to accomplish since there are often many feelings of hurt and anger, and arguing and bad feelings are often the reason that the couple is no longer together. Through therapy, I work in helping children to give voice to their feelings that often they can't explain, and I work with parents to learn how to co-parent. Co-parenting doesn't mean that ex-spouses have to be buddies, but they at least have to work together to be available for their children. I also help parents as they are announcing to their children the move to separation and possibly divorce. The traumatic experience of divorce can be less scary and painful with connected, supportive parenting.
Children often have a difficult time the first year following a divorce. However, research has found that parents can help kids to adjust to this change. By limiting the amount of arguing that parents do in front of children, parents can keep kids out of the battle zone and show children that this is a process that can be worked through. If parents communicate directly rather than through the children, and if they can work on trying not to bad mouth the other parent, there will be less negative effects on everyone involved. This can be extremely hard to accomplish since there are often many feelings of hurt and anger, and arguing and bad feelings are often the reason that the couple is no longer together. Through therapy, I work in helping children to give voice to their feelings that often they can't explain, and I work with parents to learn how to co-parent. Co-parenting doesn't mean that ex-spouses have to be buddies, but they at least have to work together to be available for their children. I also help parents as they are announcing to their children the move to separation and possibly divorce. The traumatic experience of divorce can be less scary and painful with connected, supportive parenting.
Introducing New Partners/ Families
When each person has mourned their losses and started to move forward in their life again, they may begin dating and end up in another intimate relationship. This can often create a bumpy road after a period of calm following a divorce. Children may be jarred by the new changes and behavioral problems may arise. The process of introducing a new person into the family, getting to know each other, learning each other's values, and possibly introducing other children into the family can be a complicated process. Therapy can be effective in this process by helping children to express their feelings to the family through words rather than acting out, and helping the new couple to nurture their relationship and care for the children's needs together. Although the parent bringing the new person in their life may be excited about having everyone together in this new family, but they have to be careful about not being too idealistic, and be ready to support all of their child's feelings through the process. A second family couple's relationship is also very different from the first, as they did not have the time without children to build a strong bond, and parents may feel torn as the bounce between their partner and their children to support everyone's needs. In my work with families, I help them in the different stages, both working with the children, working with the coparents, and working with the new parent if they eventually remarry. Therapy can be extremely helpful in navigating that process. |
To make an appointment for an assessment and/or discuss recommendations for treatment, call (415) 686-9544 or email [email protected] I have offices in San Francisco and Corte Madera and provide phone and/or web sessions for clients who can not come to the office.
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